WHAT FRIENDSHIP IS REALLY ABOUT

A person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection.

Someone who will stand up for you, be honest and trustworthy. They accept you for you, want what's best for you, and never abandon you.

Over the past 17 years of my life, people have come, gone, stayed, left, it's all part of the process, and you should trust that process. These people can change you for better or worse, make you stronger or weaker, and make you view life in a positive or negative way.

Which situation are you in?

I'm hoping the first options. If not, you have some serious thinking to do.

School is the biggest example you could have. This is the time where you meet your best friends, your enemies, and learn a lot about what a real friend looks like. You'll go through a plethora of situations that will reveal to you who really cares and who will just stand there laughing and gossiping behind your back. You can't be friends with everyone, not everyone will like/get on with you. It sounds pretty harsh but it's true, in the same way that you won't like a lot of people. From going through this, I learnt that about myself. I tried so hard to make people like me, which looking back, was not the way to go about it. People will make their own mind up about you, and if that's not liking you, well it's their loss.

I'm pretty sure a lot of people have been in a situation where they thought someone was their absolute best friend, and couldn't possibly live without them, and then everything turns around and changes. It's hard. I've been through a lot of these, and you feel worthless, like no one wants you, even slightly abandoned. I've just never understood why they feel as though they can worm their way into someone's life and then leave as if they didn't care. BAFTAs should be given out left right and centre.

Have any of you been through these situations?

A stand out time for me was last year, when I became very close friends with a new person who joined our high school. It was a complete shock, no one knew that anyone new was starting, especially 5 months before we were due to leave. Anyway, he became very involved very quickly, joined my form, was in a couple of my classes, and decided to join my friendship group, which was fine, I mean, there's nothing I could've done about that. After a while, we got talking, and then the casual talking in class lead to messaging pretty much every night. Everything just moved so quickly, within weeks it was liked I'd just formed a new best friend, and I don't think I really took everything in. Someone I felt like I could tell anything to, more than my friends that I'd been with for the past 5 years. Looking back now, everything seemed quite strange, but when you're in the moment, things like that don't cross your mind.

Once high school was over, and we were free for the next 10 weeks, it felt appropriate to hang out outside of school, normal right? And that's exactly what happened. I went round to his first, and then he came round to mine a few weeks later, everything just seemed like a normal, growing friendship. It wasn't until college started, that the whole thing started to die down. Obviously, it's understandable that both of us would've made new friends, and as we were in different colleges, it was hard to see each other, but for me that just isn't an excuse. It came to a point where I was doing everything. Messaging first, making the plans, it just seemed like he didn't have the effort anymore. He finally decided to hang out again after cancelling on me 5 times, and the day was just boring, a soon as I stepped into his house, he handed me a PS4 controller and that was it for the next 4 hours.

Over the next 3 months, we didn't see each other, just messaged now and again. In March, I bought him a personalised card for his birthday and had it delivered, and you know what he said to me, "Just message me next time, ok", I honestly thought, a) there won't be a bloody next time, and b) what had I done wrong? But I didn't let it bother me for too long, what's the point of getting upset over someone not liking a card. And then a couple of weeks later it ended, just like that. I'd told him about how I'd just got a new job, we texted back a forth for a bit, and then he opened my message and ignored me. We haven't spoken since. No engagement, no nothing. It was like a whole years friendship was just wasted, and I don't think he realised how crap he made me feel.

I'm sorry if that was a bit rambly but I wanted to get the story across as detailed as possible without making it into a novel. Obviously a lot of other situations have happened to me, the same as everyone else, but that was the most stand out.

Friends aren't supposed to bring each other down, they're supposed to be there for each other no matter what. So honestly, if you're in a situation similar to mine, or you don't feel right, just get out of it a soon as you can, you'll thank yourself in the long run. As hard as it may be, you have to put yourself first and be a bit selfish sometimes. Only allow people in that make you feel good about yourself and who care about you.

A phrase I've always lived by, and always will, is 'quality over quantity'. I don't see the reason why people feel the need to have tons of friends who wouldn't even stick up for them, make sure they're alright, and that you'd only see in the corridors. I'd honestly rather have a few really close friends that I feel I can be myself around and tell anything to.

It hasn't really come as a shock to me that I don't speak to/see anyone from primary school anymore. People grow up, they move on, find a new path and meet new friends along the way. I'll admit, I had a little (a lot) of a cry on the last day, as we all would've, but then I just got on with it, accepted the fact that their was little chance of seeing them again and moved on. I was the only one in my year that got their second choice of high schools, and let me tell you, it felt like a slap in the face when I read that letter. My hopes were that I'd get into the same one that pretty much all my friends (and 80% of the year) were going to, but now, I'm so glad I didn't. Because I wouldn't have met the people I know now, be who I am today, and as cringe as it sounds, it was just fate. I wasn't meant to go along with everyone else, I was meant to have my own journey, with new people, and new places.

The laughable aspect now is that I actually made the effort to message them, see how they are, but were they having any of it? No is the answer to that. To be honest, like I mentioned previously, it didn't surprise me at all. The friendship group I was part of just didn't really give one about me, looking back now. I was always friends with girls. I was never friends with boys. I never liked football, sport, I was never 'one of the lads'. I felt comfortable around the girls, they got who I am, and made me feel as though I could be myself around them. But they didn't care, they just felt sorry for me. They'd never include me in anytime we could work in a group in class, always leave me out of parties, made me feel small. You know in primary, there's always the friendship group leader, the person that everyone in the group wants to hang out with. We had that. Obviously no names will be mentioned, as with all of this post, but she just took advantage of her 'popularity', and that shouldn't happen, everyone in my group should've been equal, as with everyone in life.

Friendships are a weird one. Sometimes you can never tell if someone wants to be friends with you for you, or because you know certain people. As long as you have them few friends that you can trust, and allow you to be you, then you're sorted.

I hope this post has given you some advice, maybe that push to get rid of some toxic people, and hopefully you read with an open mind. It's difficult these days to talk about personal things without the little bit of worry about the negative comments, but everyone has their own opinion, I've just got to accept it.

Thank you for reading and supporting, and I'll be back same time, same place, next week x

8 comments

  1. A great post Jared, and something that we should talk about more! I've had many a friendship that's drifted apart or more than likely exploded in a cloud of drama... but learnt from each one X

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    1. Thank you! Yeah I feel as though we need to talk about topics such as friendships because they’re such a big part of our lives, and with unfortunate events such as having fake friends, people need to know they aren’t alone and people have gone through the same thing x

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  2. after college i only kept contact with one person from high school, people really do grow apart. now we rarely talk. sames happened with university friends. it's hard cause you know if you were to see them again it'd be as if no time had passed but distance and lives get in the way :(

    but thats not to say i havent found my footing back home and with local blogger friends <3

    great post, rly made me reflect on past friendshuips c:

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    1. So happy to know that you’ve found your feet again! Friendships is a tough one because people can suddenly change within a day. Especially with friends from school/college, they suddenly just throw away a friendship that you thought was genuine. Thank you for commenting and supporting x

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  3. Great post! Friendship is important for all of us but we need to make sure that it's a good friendship and the person is not bringing us down somehow. I love the blog x

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    1. 100% agree, friendships are a part of everybody's lives, and affect us in so many different ways! Thank you for commenting and supporting! x

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  4. Loved this post! Seriously something to think about. I've been in similar situations like you, but it's like you said: people come and go and it's just meant to be that way. I'm done chasing after people that don't want to hang with me anyway. Great post :)

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    1. Absolutely! There's no point chasing after someone who doesn't care about you. Let them go, there's better people out there for you! Thank you for reading and commenting, means a lot x

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